Tag: Happiness

R = Resilience – 10 Keys to Happier Living

R = Resilience – 10 Keys to Happier Living

Posted on by hwbinspiration

This blog, written by our HWBI Ninja Lou, focuses on how we can boost our resilience and attend to our health and wellbeing. She also draws attention to team resilience ….. we are more likely to be resilient together after all.

Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress. As much as it involves “bouncing back” from difficult experiences it can also involve personal growth. “Becoming more resilient not only helps us to get through difficult circumstances it also empowers you to grow and even improve your life along the way” (American Psychological Association).

There are many definitions of Resilience. I recently watched a webinar by the Association of Executive Coaching in partnership with Resilience Engine. They talked about resilience as our adaptability and a measure of resilience as our capacity for change. Robertson and Cooper describe resilience as a combination of personal characteristics and skills “The characteristics which are associated with higher levels of resilience are inherent in our personalities, however, resilience skills can be used to help us adapt our natural style and tendencies”. So, resilience skills can be learned and developed.  

So how can we measure our resilience? 

There are some really useful tools freely available to help you to measure and understand your resilience. They  typically explore 5 common themes including:

  • Self-control
  • Adaptability
  • Optimism
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Persistence

The Resilience Engine offers their Resilience Check – In tool which provides you with your resilience level in relation to their Resilience Dynamic and some top resilience enablers. The Resilience Dynamic details 3 levels of Resilience: Breakdown, Break-Even and Breakthrough.  

Robertsoncooper offers their i-resilience tool which provides you with a detailed report which covers their 4 key components of resilience which are: Confidence, Purposefulness, Adaptability and Social Support. Tools and resources focussed on these four areas for building resilience are available on the i-resilience portal.

So how can we build our resilience?

The College of Wellbeing offers great tools and tips:

The boat and water mapping tool is a simple and effective tool for mapping factors that influence our resilience. By identifying the negative and positive influences on our resilience we can develop ways to reduce the negative and strengthen the positive.  

The SSRI toolkit offers a framework for identifying the tools that we already have available to build our resilience. It is based on the concept that the choices we make and actions we take can have a natural anti-depressant effect. SSRI in this model stands for :

  • Strategies i.e. practical things we can do i.e. meditation or attention to diet and exercise
  • Strengths i.e. what you can draw upon internally in yourself i.e. courage and determination
  • Resources i.e. where can you seek external support i.e. friends and support groups
  • Insights i.e. can you look at things differently to help you move forward? i

Everyday Health offers an Everyday Health Assessment which provides you with a resilience score and 9 attributes that can help you develop to become your most resilient self which has been adapted from Dr Sood’s model of resilience. The attributes include internal factors i.e. skills we have or have learned and can better develop such as self-control and self-confidence and external factors such as personal relationship, purpose and meaning and communities and social support.

There are also some really useful guides for building resilience in the era of COVID 19.

An article in Psychology today suggests that acceptance (Hayes et al 2011), self-compassion (Neff 2015) and gratitude (Wood et al 2010) are approaches that can help face challenging times.  The author suggests:

  • Be open – accept thoughts and feelings instead or of trying to suppress or change them “this doesn’t mean resignation to these thoughts and feelings but recognising that we have those experiences and seeing them for what they are (a thought is just that while a feeling is just that)”
  • Be aware – being fully present in the moment instead of being caught up in our thoughts and feelings. One way to help with this is to take time and focus on breathing while noticing one thing with each sense
  • Be engaged and active – take time to consider what’s important and take action to bring what’s important closer to you
  • Be self-compassionate – be kind to yourself as opposed to judging ourselves “ask yourself what a caring friend or family member might say” next time you find yourself saying critical things to yourself
  • Practice gratitude – trying out approaches to gratitude such as journaling about things that you are grateful for can serve as a beacon of hope.  

A more recent article from June in  Science Direct  discusses the urgent need for a focus on resilience during the coronavirus pandemic as “resilience is pivotal to cope with stress and vital to stay in balance”. The authors emphasise that stress and anxiety are normal reactions to the pandemic and stress reactions may include changes in concentration, irritability, anxiety, insomnia, reduced productivity and interpersonal conflict. In addition to the threat of the virus, the quarantine measures increase the stress-related symptoms. To help adapt to the mental health effects they refer to several useful pieces of advice from the resilience literature including:

  • Promoting social connectedness as loneliness and social isolation is what makes the crisis different compared to many others
  • Planning routine day to day activities and promoting self-care
  • Increased attention to exercise and nutrition
  • Regular media breaks
  • Help people feel in control (one of the findings in stress and resilience research is that the higher the controllability of a stress situation is, the better individuals cope with the situation) for example measures people can take to reduce risk of infection and minimise the spread of disease.

Finally AOD who are experts in team based working have collated  some really great resources around team working and resilience. 

Over the past 12 weeks, I have found myself consciously and unconsciously adopting some of these practices, however reading about them to write this blog has been a useful reminder of how I can take back some control over my reaction to the multitude of emotions I have experienced and continue to feel during the pandemic. I hope that you find some of this useful too.  

Note the photo I have used for this blog is a photo I took early January of a Hellebore in my garden.  It  summed up to me how resilient they must be to be able to produce these gorgeous flowers through winter!

HWBInspiration co-founders, Su & Claire, are grateful to our Associate HWBI Ninjas for sharing their knowledge, skill and insights.

D = Direction: Embracing goal setting for purpose, meaning and motivation

D = Direction: Embracing goal setting for purpose, meaning and motivation

Posted on by hwbinspiration

This blog, written by our co-founder Su, explores how setting meaningful goals can boost our health and wellbeing. This is one in a series exploring The 10 Keys to Happier Living.

It would be fair to say that in my formative years, into my 20’s and 30’s I didn’t consciously or intentionally set specific life, career, financial or wellbeing goals.  Looking back, I can see that I pretty much ‘went with the flow’.  Any successes or achievements I put down as being ‘in the right place at the right time’ or ‘being lucky’.  And I put failures down as ‘life lessons’ to learn from.  I consider myself fortunate in many ways as I:

  • Received a good education at a comprehensive school – some similarities with Grange Hill
  • Had a happy childhood – I spent a lot of time in Ireland in summer holidays, or weekends with extended family as both parents worked full time.  It gave me a sense of independence at an early age and probably contributed to my rebellious streak.
  • Have a strong network of family and friends – not without sadness, loss and upset yet I can reflect on the fact that there are ‘no family feuds’, big fallouts.  We all get along and support each other.
  • Enjoy my job role, proud that I trained to be a nurse as it has stood me in good stead for all the job roles that I have had during my working life.
  • Have an amazing life partner that has seen me in through highs and lows, put up with my quirks.

And yet up until my 40’s I didn’t get the whole ‘setting goals’ thing at a personal level.  At the time, in my line of work as a coach and facilitator, I could see the importance of them, but this ‘goal setting’ thing applied to everyone else, not to me personally as…. Let’s face it, they can be a bit boring.  Then there were a series of events in my mid 40’s that changed all that:

  • Mental Health and Wellbeing – My mum developed a serious mental ill-health condition, to the point where whenever the phone rang, I would fear what had happened, what I could do if anything and how I would respond to support my dad.
  • Physical Health – I fractured my ankle, which meant that I was non-weight bearing for 4 months, I couldn’t physically go into work (good rehearsal for COVID19 as it was a form of self-isolation).  I still managed to work from home and have many a funny anecdote to share about how I adapted.
  • Grief and Bereavement – Just as I stopped using crutches, had my pins removed and was looking forward to returning to work, my dad died unexpectedly.  I hadn’t seen him for 5 months because of my fracture.  He had main carer responsibility and couldn’t really travel the 500 mile round trip.  Initially, I was able to hold it together and then 4 weeks after his death everything just seemed to fall apart.  I didn’t feel able to cope or do anything.  Work was now out of the question as I struggled to even do the basics of getting up, getting dressed, having any form of emotional containment.
  • Financial Health – Suddenly there was a need to survive on statutory sick pay.  This had a significant impact on household finances – double income down to single income.  And then the financial crash of 2010 hit and my job role was in jeopardy.  Clients stopped commissioning work, so there was minimal income into the company I worked for, so I had to make some decisions quickly.
  • Carer responsibility – Understandably, my mum was in her grieving process and in the early days, like me, seemed to be coping well and then her mental health deteriorated even further to a point where she needed intensive care and support.  We live 250 miles apart, what were we to do?

This was my unique experience; this doesn’t make me unique.

Like others, who face a series of life events that come together at the same time, I was faced with a sense of ‘sink or swim’. 

Working with my life partner, we went through absolutely everything from our finances, options I had for work, carer support for my mum, you name it… we were forensic.   He was, and is, an amazing support.  One of his key strengths is that he can see things clearly when I’m stuck ‘in it’ and has a talent for calmness and objectivity.  It wasn’t easy, but with clear goals, difficult choices and tenacity we turned things around. 

Looking back now, I find some comfort in a quote from the texts in Twilight of the Idols (1888) written by the great 19th Century philosopher, Fredrick Nietzsche, “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.”  In my case it was true, and I’m grateful for that.

The art of setting goals and creating a habit

Carver et al (2009) highlight that we have a natural tendency to be either more optimistic or more pessimistic.  We also know from the evidence that feeling good about the future, having a sense of purpose brings meaning and optimism to our lives. This, in turn, contributes to our sense of wellbeing.  Even when things aren’t going to plan, having goals that can be altered gives us a sense of control.  It’s also helpful to know that there are things that we can do to develop a more optimistic outlook without losing touch with reality.  What I’ve learnt is:

  • Goal setting doesn’t have to be boring, there are many benefits and advantages to having a set of goals to work towards.
  • Setting goals helps to trigger new behaviours, guides our focus and helps to sustain momentum.
  • Goals also help to align our focus and promote a sense of self-mastery.  We can’t manage what we don’t measure, so having a set of goals helps us to do that and more.

Actiononhappiness.com has great materials, tips and resources to help you, those close to you and those you work with to develop goals that are meaningful and motivating.  No goal is too small.

A demonstration of my habit in action – The ‘Tyranny’ of the Apple Watch

In 2017 I bought an Apple Watch; I like gadgets but wasn’t prepared for the impact that this little bit of kit would have on my health and wellbeing.  I was determined to improve my fitness levels.  By using the activity app has turned me from a ‘couch potato’ into someone with higher than average fitness levels (for my age), encouraged me to start running and to shift my generally healthy diet to one that is more plant-based.

During COVID19 month of May 2020, my Apple goal was to walk or run 239KM, approximately 7.7KM per day.  Under normal circumstances, I would have struggled with this due to my work patterns.  As I had to postpone other work goals, this became very motivating.  As a result, I used my one hour exercise each day to walk/run as far as I could in the time.  Not only did I achieve the target (smashed it), I also contributed to my wellbeing through connecting with nature, practising active mindfulness and appreciating those things that I perhaps I had taken for granted.

References

Carver, C.S., Scheier, M.F., Miller, C.J., Fulford, D. (2009). Optimism.  In S.J.Lopez & C.R. Snyder (Eds.) Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology. NY: Oxford University Press cited www.actionforhappiness.org

HWBInspiration co-founders, Su & Claire, are grateful to our Associate HWBI Ninjas for sharing their knowledge, skill and insights.

R = Relating: Reaching out and fostering relationships with others at work is good for our wellbeing.

R = Relating: Reaching out and fostering relationships with others at work is good for our wellbeing.

Posted on by hwbinspiration

This blog, written by our co-founder Su, is part of a series where our HWBInspiration team reflect on The 10 Keys to Happier Living. Each Key helps to boost our health and wellbeing. Su, co-founder of HWBInspiration shares her thoughts on the importance of work relationships.

What comes to mind when you think about ‘best friends’?  For me, it’s thinking back to school days when I was in the ‘4th Year’ of junior school.  I was 11, not quite at senior school and my best friend at the time was Juliet.  We would go off in a pair (I wasn’t keen on 3’s) and have ‘our time’ together, playing various games, using our imaginations, sharing stories, talking about what we did the night before, acting out different make believe scenarios and sharing what we were looking forward to next week.  As a child of the 70’s (Generation X), quite a lot of our conversations revolved around:

  • Who we liked best – The Osmond’s or Jackson 5?
  • What we had read in ‘Jackie’ or ‘My Guy’
  • What we were allowed to watch on TV – Sweeny, Star Trek, Starsky and Hutch
  • What shoes we wanted – platforms or heels
  • What lessons we liked – English, PE, history, science (I was never one for maths)
  • How were we going to get our homework in on time when it was such a boring task?
  • What it would be like in ‘senior school’?
  • All the things we would ‘put right’ when we were ‘in charge’

In my formative years, I wasn’t aware of how important it was to have a sense of belonging, to have a network of trusted friends, a set of strong family relationships and people that I could turn to for support when things weren’t going well.  If anything, I took it all for granted.  I now appreciate how fortunate I was growing up. 

As I’ve got older, with more life experience, I am more conscious and aware of how important relationships are to us as human beings in helping us to develop, grow and survive.  Don’t get me wrong, I had my fair share of ‘playground’ disagreements and that still continues now, although I managed them better (most of the time).  I do notice that during lock down my ‘dark side’ or overplayed strengths need more attention and have a trusted friend who will feedback on that.

Friendships in the World of Work

I enjoy the company of others, I like to connect as it helps me to think, build on ideas and I get a lot of personal satisfaction from spending time with others.  And I think I’m generally good at fostering positive relationships. 

I have often heard colleagues and peers say ‘I spend more time with my work colleagues than I do with my family and friends’.  Which poses an interesting dilemma for all of us.  I was ‘schooled’ to believe, like many, that the world of work and the world outside work needed to be kept separate.  This poses real dilemma’s as it can sometimes be difficult to maintain those boundaries and, in the past, I found myself crossing this ‘imaginary’ line. 

An article by Gallup (2018) explores the issue of work friendships in more depth and discovered that the question, ‘Do you have a best friend at work?’ had the strongest reactions from their clients for number of reasons e.g. an expectation that you leave your non work self at the door, sharing ‘chit chat’ and lunch breaks was detrimental to productivity etc.  Interestingly, what they found was that having a ‘best friend at work’ leads to better performance.  The data from their database suggested that 2 out of 10 U.S. employees strongly agree that they have a best friend at work.  They hypothesis that if that ratio moved to 6 out of 10, organisations could see fewer safety incidents, more engaged customers, more engaged staff and higher profits.

The benefits of a business buddy

Whilst it is important to manage boundaries in the workplace, especially in relation to accountability and performance, how much better for all of us if we opened ourselves up to the legitimacy of friendship at work.  I can speak from personal experience.  The person I enjoy working with the most, has over the years become not only my best work friend, also one of my very few personal best friends.  That doesn’t mean it gets too cosy or that we don’t challenge each other.  If anything, it’s the opposite.  We can truly:

  • Be open and honest,
  • Challenge and respect each other’s perspectives,
  • Disagree without falling out,
  • Appreciate and play to our strengths,
  • Hold each other up when the other is struggling,
  • Let off steam and not feel judged.

It’s not a walk in the park, we work at it and I’m all the better for my ‘best friend’ at work relationship.  You know who you are and THANK YOU!!  I’m a better person (mostly).

What’s your experience?

Why We Need Best Friends at Work Mann. A, 2018 https://www.gallup.com/workplace/236213/why-need-best-friends-work.aspx

HWBInspiration co-founders, Su & Claire, are grateful to our Associate HWBI Ninjas for sharing their knowledge, skill and insights.

G = Giving – Why does it make us happy?

G = Giving – Why does it make us happy?

Posted on by hwbinspiration

This blog is first in our series relating to the 10 Keys to Happier Living which reflects on how giving can boost our health and wellbeing.

In this time of ‘lock down’ I’ve been reflecting on a number of things, not least my own health and wellbeing.  Talking to colleagues, family and friends we have started to share more about what is important to us, what we are grateful for and during these challenging times, what gives us joy.  Often, it’s the very simple things that surface:

  • Having the time to have family meals together, eating, talking and reflecting on the day
  • Being able to connect to family and friends more frequently than perhaps we would ordinarily
  • Taking part in collective activities with family, friends and work colleagues – who knew that ‘Virtual Pub Quiz’ would take off in the way that it has.  It’s become a highlight of the week for many.
  • Having more time to do the things that help us to have space to be ‘mindful’, gardening, walking, painting, other household tasks that we’ve put off
  • Letting our minds wonder

One of the things I notice in myself is that ‘giving’ brings me happiness.  Over the years, I notice that I get that warm fuzzy feeling when I give, more so than when I receive.  It’s no surprise once I began to look into why that it is….. ‘common sense’ in so many ways and as I remind myself frequently, it only becomes ‘common sense’ once you understand more.

What’s the science behind it?

There is much written about giving and generosity.  Researchers have had rich debates about the extent to which humans are innately generous, a great deal of research strongly suggests that generosity has deep evolutionary, biological and developmental roots.  Much of the research also suggest that human generosity might be deeply embedded in human behaviour and plays a vital role in our personal well-being and our survival.  A systematic review (Allen.S 2018) draws together some of the key research findings and highlights:

  • Positive effects on givers e.g. wellbeing
  • Individual factors linked to generosity e.g. feelings of empathy, compassion
  • Social and cultural drivers e.g. expectations of reciprocity, having strong social networks may influence generosity, parenting can cultivate generosity

The act of giving and charitable behaviour comes in many forms and during COVID19 there have been so many examples:

  • Tens, possibly hundreds of thousands of volunteers coming forward to help those that are being shielded – offering to phone those that are isolated, undertaking tasks such as shopping and picking up essentials
  • Colonel Tom Moore 100th Birthday sponsored walk to raise money for the NHS
  • Different businesses donating food and gifts to front line staff
  • Local communities coming together to support key workers
  • Free resources and learning being made available to individuals working from home

All of us ‘give’ in some way.  Often, it will be simple things, kind words, helping someone out when you notice they are struggling, random acts of kindness to friends, families and colleagues.  Doing something for complete strangers seems to be the ‘norm’ in our current COVID19 bubble and the world feels a better place for it.  It seems now more than ever we need to be generous in our thinking as well as in the way we behave.  A study into the benefits of charitable behaviour (Anik. L et al. 2009) highlights that people that give more are happier and happier people tend to give more.  Feels like a virtuous circle to me.

Looking for inspiration

Action for Happiness https://www.actionforhappiness.org provides ideas, insights, training (e-mail based coaching programme) and resources.  Something for everyone if you are looking for some inspiration.  What will you give today?

S, May. The Science of Generosity, White Paper, Greater Good Science Centre 2018 https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Generosity-FINAL.pdf

Feeling Good about Giving: The Benefits (and Costs) of Self-Interested Charitable Behavior Anik, L., Aknin, L B., Norton, M I., Dunn, E W. 2009 https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Publication%20Files/10-012_0350a55d-585b-419d-89e7-91833a612fb5.pdf

HWBInspiration co-founders, Su & Claire, are grateful to our Associate HWBI Ninjas for sharing their knowledge, skill and insights.